Parenting with Intention: Why I'm Choosing Connection Over Correction This Summer

As summer begins and our kids are home more, routines inevitably shift — or fade altogether. Messes increase, structure loosens, and for my ADHD-prone household, things can unravel fast without a plan. When requests go unmet or clutter takes over, I don’t know about you, but I can easily slip into fault-finding mode. “Correction” can become my default if I’m not careful — and left unchecked, this tendency can build disconnection and distance with my 17 and 20-year-old kids, whose summers under my roof seem like the last sands in the top of an hourglass.

This summer, I’m naming my goal clearly  for myself-- maybe for you too?: Connection Over Correction. And, while my kids are older, this is a parenting goal that is relevant for parents with any age of child.

Why Do We Feel the Need to Correct?

While seemingly fueled by annoyance — the mess, the perceived laziness, the missing phone chargers and car keys, doors left wide open, dishes piling up-- our instinct to correct often stems from love or worry — wanting the best for our kids. Beneath the irritation lies something deeper: fear. When our kids make choices that don’t match our expectations — whether it’s about ambition, appearance, effort, or how they spend their time — it pokes at our sense of control (or lack thereof). And what rises in us? Worry about the future. Are they growing? Will they be okay? Are we doing enough?

For many of us, especially parents of teens and young adults, the tension lies in the unknown: What’s next? Work? School? Responsibility? When their development or maturity doesn’t follow our timeline, it’s hard not to intervene — to steer, nudge, or push.

But when I’m being mindful, I notice three important things:

1. When I clearly express my expectations ahead of time, they’re much more likely to be respected. This is actually a hallmark of setting and maintaining boundaries.

   
   

2. When I make a request — like tidying up — from a place of calm rather than irritation, I get a better response. If it still doesn’t happen, there can be a consequence, but the key is to not become emotional (angry, frustrated) when delivering the request. 

   
   

3. When I have one-on-one time with my kids and choose to listen more than I talk, the more my kids open up to me, fostering deeper connection. Resisting the urge to deliver mini-lectures often leads to more trust — and more openness.

A Shift in Role

This summer, instead of scanning for what’s not going right, I’m going to try to notice what is.

That shift in mindset makes for stronger relationships and a more peaceful household.

This summer, I’m working on trading micromanagement for curiosity. Stepping out of the “fixer/manager” role and showing up more like a “consultant” — working hard to offer insight and advice only when asked. It’s hard. But when I get it right, the results are often astonishing.

And still, I’m learning. Even as a coach who does this for a living — even after years of personal growth work — our humanness just gets in the way sometimes and the pull to control or correct becomes too strong — especially when fear creeps in and we think  we know best about how our kids should be spending their time.

What helps me pause and reset are 3 key grounding questions:

1. Is my child actually asking for help — or am I imposing it?

2. Does my involvement actually build my kid’s confidence and capability

3. Am I stepping in from love — or from fear, anxiety, or control?

   
   

Sometimes, the bravest parenting move is to stop talking and start getting curious.

We often tell ourselves our kids need our wisdom, our push. And sometimes, they do. But more often, they need us to meet them where they are — even when it’s not where we imagined.

We say we want them to be independent. But independence isn’t built through constant correction — it’s built through space, trust, and the freedom to figure it out on their own.

Progress, not perfection. That’s the mantra I’m holding onto this summer — for myself and for my kids. Maybe you want to hold it with me.