Tools for Avoiding Triggers During the Holidays and Beyond

The holidays have a special way of amplifying everything — joy, nostalgia, connection… and also stress, pressure, old triggers, and the emotional labor of trying to make everything feel okay for everyone.

For many of us-- particularly those of us in the sandwich generation-- the holidays can be especially intense. From tending to aging parents to supporting growing or adult children, navigating extended family dynamics can be a lot. Especially when we're expected to produce warmth, magic, and meaning around a dinner table that might be reflective of the world we're living in: rife with polarizing beliefs and instability.

Put simply: it’s human to feel stretched thin and maybe even a little tense or sensitive. So, as you head into the holidays, consider packing these 7 tools into your emotional carry-on. They’re simple grounding practices designed to help you stay centered, present, and regulated — no matter who is around your table.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Say “No,” “I Don’t Know,” or "Not Now"

One of the biggest emotional traps, especially during the holidays, is the urge to say yes to everything. Yes to plans. Yes to favors. Yes to caretaking. Yes to smoothing over tension or discomfort. Yes to the most ludicrous requests from our children.

When we're spread thin, sometimes it's easier to just say yes than to hold boundaries that are rooted in our values. For people pleasers, this is especially hard. But remember, you are allowed to have limits, and "No" is a perfectly respectable response-- any time.

Remember that other people's comfort is up to them. Discomfort is not danger, and sometimes it’s exactly where growth begins.

2. When in Doubt, Write It Out

If you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or triggered and you don’t have someone to immediately talk it through with, write it down in a journal, an sheet of scrap paper... or in your Notes app. Even voice-to-text works.

There’s something powerful about releasing emotion from your nervous system and giving it a place to land outside your body. It creates space; it lowers intensity; and it stops emotion from hijacking your next interaction.

Even two minutes of writing can help you reset.

3. Use Your Breath as a Built-In Regulator

Speaking of releasing emotion, there's no more powerful vehicle for doing this than through breathing. If you know me, you know that I'm a huge proponent of breathwork, and I even teach circular breathing over Zoom and in-person. (Click here if you want to catch a session. It is truly life-changing!)

But if you need a quicker fix when you feel a trigger coming on, a simple technique is Box (or Square) Breathing, which can bring you back into your body within a minute.

4. Try Tapping (EFT) to Calm Your System

Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping, can be incredibly grounding when anxiety or tension spikes. If you want a quick tutorial, this short YouTube video is a great overview: 

Even a minute or two of tapping is often enough to help settle your system and help you respond rather than react.

5. Take Space — You’re Allowed To

I'm not suggesting a dramatic exit like Sara Jessica Parker in "The Family Stone." Just a quiet escape outside, to the bathroom or even the closet to get your bearings. You don’t need to justify it. And you definitely don’t need to feel guilty about it.

Taking space is not abandonment. It’s regulation. And it’s a meaningful act of care for yourself and everyone around you.

6. Practice Proactive Communication

A little clarity and expectation-setting upfront can prevent a lot of emotional cleanup later.

For example:

• “If I slip away, I’m just taking a moment to reset.”

• “It helps me when we stick to the plan as much as possible.”

• “If things shift, can you give me a heads-up?”

• “If I’m quiet, it’s not about you — I’m just grounding myself.”

  
  

Understanding what others might need — and clearly stating what you need — can help keep small misunderstandings from becoming big ruptures.

7. Use Calming Music to Set the Tone

Soft background music can shift the energy of your environment faster than most people realize. It can signal safety, comfort, and steadiness — especially when there are many personalities, emotions, and generations under one roof.

Try spa, instrumental, or gentle acoustic playlists to create a calm baseline.

In Closing

The holidays don’t require perfection. They require calm presence. And presence is so much more accessible when your nervous system feels supported.

These tools aren’t meant to eliminate stress entirely — family dynamics are complicated, and being in the middle of multiple generations adds layers many people don’t anticipate. But they can help you move through the season with more steadiness, clarity, and compassion — for yourself and the people you love.