Why We “Should” All Over Ourselves

In one of my recent Manifestation & Momentum groups, we started separating the things on our to-do lists that actually move our lives forward from the things that simply keep us busy, exhausted, and overwhelmed.

We imagined two columns:

1) Mission Critical

2) Efforting (aka: Shoulds)

What unfolded was incredibly clarifying. As we talked, it became obvious that much of what we spend our time on doesn’t belong in the Mission Critical column at all.

What Is “Efforting”?

Efforting is that anxious, slightly braced energy that says:

• I should be doing more.

• I should have figured this out by now.

• I should go to the gym.

• I should answer that email better.

• I should be drinking more water, taking more supplements, exfoliating properly, optimizing everything.

  
  

Efforting is often:

• Done to relieve anxiety

• Done to look competent

• Done to avoid judgment

• Repetitive and perfectionistic

• Urgent… but not actually important

  
  

It’s the task that sits on your to-do list for three years. It’s rewriting the same paragraph twelve times. It’s over-programming your calendar and saying yes when you mean maybe.

Efforting keeps you busy. But it doesn’t necessarily move your life forward.

What Is “Mission Critical”?

Mission critical is different. It's:

• Values-driven

• Grounded (even if uncomfortable)

• Meaningful

• Consequential if ignored

• Able to be done imperfectly

  
  

One woman in the group shared that she took a walk before making dinner for her family — and instead of feeling guilty (as she might have in the past), she felt grounded.

When she zoomed out, she realized wellness, calm and being in nature are core values for her.

The walk wasn’t indulgent. It was mission critical.

And when she returned regulated, dinner felt easier and more enjoyable.

Another woman reframed “I should go to the gym” into:

“I value my health, so I get to go to the gym.”

That shift — from guilt to alignment — changes everything.

Calm, too, moved from the “luxury” column into Mission Critical: Five minutes of breathing mid-day. Choosing to go to bed instead of squeezing in two more productive hours.

When calm supports your nervous system, your relationships, your work, and your health — it isn’t optional. It’s foundational.

The Real Insight

The breakthrough wasn’t about productivity. It was about using values as a filter.

Instead of asking:“What should I do?”

We began asking:“What is truly mission critical for the life I say I want?” And then:“What is just efforting?”

When you sort your life through that lens:

• Some “shoulds” shrink.

• Some habits become non-negotiable.

• Some tasks get done imperfectly — and that’s okay.

• Some get deleted entirely.

  
  

You stop confusing motion with progress. You stop rewarding anxiety. You stop outsourcing your priorities to guilt.

Not everything deserves your full nervous system.

Some things deserve your courage. Some deserve your consistency. And some… deserve to be crossed off forever!